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Monday, February 16, 2004

So I Guess I Haven't Updated In A Couple Of Months

-or- the comma, is, your, friend,,,

when i began this endeavor, this collection of careful, even cared for, moments, this creation of an endearing, capricious transient, an often callow, sometimes collapsing, cancerous narrative con-man, was a little apprehensive; i wasn't sure that this thing would work, whatever it is, this thing, i mean, between you and i. i examined some of the possibilities, and possibly too few of them, at that; i envisioned something soft and patient, something that would not require much of me, as i have very little, to be sure. but as with all things i have under-valued, indeed, all things that i have, i grew quickly to take it for granted. and i have let you down, i can see. i don't know what we're going to with this thing. i promise i will give more time to us... i mean, really, i like the time we've spent together, and i don't want to lose you.

Friday, December 12, 2003

Santa-Witch and the Flying Midgets' Smoking Club

i do not recommend enquiries as to where i come up with shit like that. firstly, i wouldn't tell you, even if i knew; secondly, i don't care how curious you are; the tertiary and singularly important reason is that every once in a while i need to come up with stupid post titles so that it gives me an excuse to use the word 'tertiary'. shit. there i go giving away my secrets. it is a good thing that i am not trusted with the gurdianship of imprtant treasure, for i would most likely just hand it to someone 'to hold' while i wandered off in search of strong drink. i am not a responsible person. see? isn't this nice? we're getting to know each other.

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

The Wang Street Journal

i understand, of course, that this is the infancy of our relationship, dear reader; i realize that we've stumbled into this thing with little awareness of what might be in store, what dramatic ecstasies and shattering disappointments. though i am sure to be sensitive to the gentleness required to coax a unique bloom out of our flowering here, and though i too have seen things crushed in the early stages, their life denied by the zeal or audacity of one or another's need impose a will onto something soft and fragile, i feel i need to tell you now a little bit about myself. please do not be afraid of my admissions, for i promise not to unburden the trauma of past abuse and broken dreams, nor will i share my certainty of future disasters. i will not worry you with my fears, and i will not construct for you a tower of lies that you will stare up at, maybe lean against for a while, and then invariably walk away from. no, my confession today [if you could even call it that, this pathetic whimpering] is as follows:

i don't like the Wall Street Journal. not even a little bit. in fact, i get upset whenever i read it. oh how angry i become. this may come as a shock to you, as you may be one of those people to whom the wsj is an acceptable, even palatable, publication. i am not one of those people. i am sorry to have to so brazenly reveal the innermost workings of my heart on this, barely our third occasion together, but some things cannot wait past the initial stages of courtship. please forgive me, it continues:

in the spirit of full disclosure, though i may never be completely honest, i must admit to having enjoyed an article in that most terrible, aforementioned rag. it is an opinion piece, and as such you would expect that it merely expresses the opinion of someone interesting enough to be able to formulate one, but knowing the wall street journal [or at least being able to judge it harshly without ever really having looked into it too carefully] as i do, i was surprised to see an opinion that called for something other than the massive deregulation of government services. SHOCK! the opinion expressed was actually in favor of the NEH!! it is of course important to note that the voice in favor of said organization does belong to the chairman of same, but i still think it's pretty neat... like that dangling modifier right there... pretty neat... attention span.... wavering....

furthermore, i just can't stop laughing about this; you see, americans know disgustingly little about their own history, and someone is calling for a renaissance in the passing on of american knowledge. i suppose that it's about time someone noticed the problem and decided to approach it, but i wonder if anyone was ever going to get around to reminding all of those with "america amnesia" that before they had a chance to suffer from such a syndrome, someone neglected to teach them that there's actually an entire world out there. wow. i still want to see W. point to iraq on an unmarked map. yes folks, it's all pretty funny. it's all pretty heart-wrenchingly hilarious. i think i'm going to go drink now. it past noon, after all. i will leave you with the other funny thing that the wsj gave me this morning. ha... i have no idea what that means.

huh... so i went to view the image that i presented for your enjoyment, and found that there was attatched a half-page of text advertisement. this takes away from the humor value of the photo. please, for both of our sakes, pretend that you had only seen the picture, sans text, when it popped up on your screen. it really is funnier that way.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

i'm tired of bold-faced titles

i really do love howard dean, not necessarily so much so that i would be comfortable calling myself a member of "generation dean," but i sure would like to meet him and then see how things went from there. maybe we would develop into friends, and if that were the case, i wouldn't be the kind of person that would feel the need to overdefine, or limit the potential of our relationship. nor would i demand that he have no other friends before me. however, i do worry when i read that he has just made friends with tens of thousands of communists. seriously folks, i hate bush and all, but communists? i just don't know about that. i must add, however, that i find the idea of "boots on the ground and blood and treasure" very, very appealing. i'm not sure in exactly what context, but i doubt your worst imaginings could be far from the picture in my head. i think i'll go kill a drifter.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

dear diary,

last night i went outside and someone told me that i looked like national socialism.

Monday, November 10, 2003

this is what we've come to

i've been meaning to do this for a while now, but i'm not really sure why. i don't even want to.

future posts will be temporally erratic, marginally coherent, and generally a waste of time.

please enjoy. or don't.

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